第40章

  i yell at
  her. “just leave it alone!”
  i hate her, too, with her knowing reproachful eyes that call
  me a coward, a monster, a puppet of the capitol, both now and
  then. for her, justice must finally be happening. at least my
  death will help pay for the life of the boy in the woods.
  but instead of fleeing the room, the girl closes the door be-
  hind her and goes to the bathroom. she comes back with a
  damp cloth and wipes my face gently then cleans the blood
  from a broken plate off my hands. why is she doing this? why
  am i letting her?
  “i should have tried to save you,” i whisper.
  she shakes her head. does this mean we were right to stand
  by? that she has forgiven me?
  “no, it was wrong,” i say.
  she taps her lips with her fingers then points to my chest. i
  think she means that i would just have ended up an avox, too.
  probably would have. an avox or dead.
  i spend the next hour helping the redheaded girl clean the
  room. when all the garbage has been dropped down a dispos-
  al and the food cleaned away, she turns down my bed. i crawl
  in between the sheets like a five-year-old and let her tuck me
  in. then she goes. i want her to stay until i fall asleep. to be
  there when i wake up. i want the protection of this girl, even
  though she never had mine.
  119
  in the morning, it’s not the girl but my prep team who are
  hanging over me. my lessons with effie and haymitch are
  over. this day belongs to cinna. he’s my last hope. maybe he
  can make me look so wonderful, no one will care what comes
  out of my mouth.
  the team works on me until late afternoon, turning my skin
  to glowing satin, stenciling patterns on my arms, painting
  flame designs on my twenty perfect nails. then venia goes to
  work on my hair, weaving strands of red into a pattern that
  begins at my left ear, wraps around my head, and then falls in
  one braid down my right shoulder. they erase my face with a
  layer of pale makeup and draw my features back out. huge
  dark eyes, full red lips, lashes that throw off bits of light when
  i blink. finally, they cover my entire body in a powder that
  makes me shimmer in gold dust.
  then cinna enters with what i assume is my dress, but i
  can’t really see it because it’s covered. “close your eyes,” he
  orders.
  i can feel the silken inside as they slip it down over my
  naked body, then the weight. it must be forty pounds. i clutch
  octavia’s hand as i blindly step into my shoes, glad to find
  they are at least two inches lower than the pair effie had me
  practice in. there’s some adjusting and fidgeting. then si-
  lence.
  “can i open my eyes?” i ask.
  “yes,” says cinna. “open them.”
  the creature standing before me in the full-length mirror
  has come from another world. where skin shimmers and eyes
  120
  flash and apparently they make their clothes from jewels. be-
  cause my dress, oh, my dress is entirely covered in reflective
  precious gems, red and yellow and white with bits of blue that
  accent the tips of the flame design. the slightest movement
  gives the impression i am engulfed in tongues of fire.
  i am not pretty. i am not beautiful. i am as radiant as the
  sun.
  for a while, we all just stare at me. “oh, cinna,” i finally
  whisper. “thank you.”
  “twirl for me,” he says. i hold out my arms and spin in a
  circle. the prep team screams in admiration.
  cinna dismisses the team and has me move around in the
  dress and shoes, which are infinitely more manageable than
  effie’s. the dress hangs in such a way that i don’t have to lift
  the skirt when i walk, leaving me with one less thing to worry
  about.
  “so, all ready for the interview then?”