第41章

  asks cinna. i can see
  by his expression that he’s been talking to haymitch. that he
  knows how dreadful i am.
  “i’m awful. haymitch called me a dead slug. no matter what
  we tried, i couldn’t do it. i just can’t be one of those people he
  wants me to be,” i say.
  cinna thinks about this a moment. “why don’t you just be
  yourself?”
  “myself? that’s no good, either. haymitch says i’m sullen
  and hostile,” i say.
  “well, you are . . . around haymitch,” says cinna with a grin.
  “i don’t find you so. the prep team adores you. you even won
  121
  over the gamemakers. and as for the citizens of the capitol,
  well, they can’t stop talking about you. no one can help but
  admire your spirit.”
  my spirit. this is a new thought. i’m not sure exactly what it
  means, but it suggests i’m a fighter. in a sort of brave way. it’s
  not as if i’m never friendly. okay, maybe i don’t go around lov-
  ing everybody i meet, maybe my smiles are hard to come by,
  but i do care for some people.
  cinna takes my icy hands in his warm ones. “suppose, when
  you answer the questions, you think you’re addressing a
  friend back home. who would your best friend be?” asks cin-
  na.
  “gale,” i say instantly. “only it doesn’t make sense, cinna. i
  would never be telling gale those things about me. he already
  knows them.”
  “what about me? could you think of me as a friend?” asks
  cinna.
  of all the people i’ve met since i left home, cinna is by far
  my favorite. i liked him right off and he hasn’t disappointed
  me yet. “i think so, but —”
  “i’ll be sitting on the main platform with the other stylists.
  you’ll be able to look right at me. when you’re asked a ques-
  tion, find me, and answer it as honestly as possible,” says cin-
  na.
  “even if what i think is horrible?” i ask. because it might be,
  really.
  “especially if what you think is horrible,” says cinna. “you’ll
  try it?”
  122
  i nod. it’s a plan. or at least a straw to grasp at.
  too soon it’s time to go. the interviews take place on a
  stage constructed in front of the training center. once i leave
  my room, it will be only minutes until i’m in front of the
  crowd, the cameras, all of panem.
  as cinna turns the doorknob, i stop his hand. “cinna . . .” i’m
  completely overcome with stage fright.
  “remember, they already love you,” he says gently. “just be
  yourself.”
  we meet up with the rest of the district 12 crowd at the
  elevator. portia and her gang have been hard at work. peeta
  looks striking in a black suit with flame accents. while we look
  well together, it’s a relief not to be dressed identically. hay-
  mitch and effie are all fancied up for the occasion. i avoid
  haymitch, but accept effie’s compliments. effie can be tire-
  some and clueless, but she’s not destructive like haymitch.
  when the elevator opens, the other tributes are being lined
  up to take the stage. all twenty-four of us sit in a big arc
  throughout the interviews. i’ll be last, or second to last since
  the girl tribute precedes the boy from each district. how i
  wish i could be first and get the whole thing out of the way!
  now i’ll have to listen to how witty, funny, humble, fierce, and
  charming everybody else is before i go up. plus, the audience
  will start to get bored, just as the gamemakers did. and i can’t
  exactly shoot an arrow into the crowd to get their attention.
  right before we parade onto the stage, haymitch comes up
  behind peeta and me and growls, “remember, you’re still a
  happy pair. so act like it.”
  123
  what?